I knew
I was completely awake and yet I was fighting the feeling as all I wanted to do
was still be asleep. I felt like my body
was asking me over and over, “Are you awake, Are you awake now?” I squeezed my eyes tighter and prayed, “Please
God let me sleep just a little bit longer…”
I wanted to argue that He shouldn’t wake me up so early when in the past
24 hours I had wrestled through the mental and physical exhaustion of holding
and rocking two Heaven bound little ones.
I had crawled into bed just after one am and now I reached for my phone
to check the time 0446, the thought of being wide awake when I really could
squeeze almost another 40 minutes of sleep out of the night seemed ridiculous. The sky was dawning grey at that hour and I
peeked through my half open lids and had to smile. There shining in all its
glory through the grey smoggy morning fog was the full moon… He had watched my
trembling hands write their names in the cast light of nightfall, He had
watched the shaking shoulders, heard the catch of my cries, and seen the tears
that pooled and spilled over. Now with
loving and tender prodding He was waking me up asking me to spend time with
Him, reminding me of His love, and the beauty of His gifts to me. My
Abba God had seen my aching heart and He was giving me the moon.
