Blessings...

"I don't know about tomorrow..."

 November 27, 2012

“I don't know about tomorrow;
I just live from day to day.
I don't borrow from its sunshine
For its skies may turn to grey.
I don't worry o'er the future,

For I know what Jesus said… “

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.”  Jeremiah 29:11

Sometimes that future does not include tomorrow…sometimes it does not even include the rest of today, this was one of those not understanding but totally leaning on the promise that my God is Good, that He has a plan, and that it is a Good plan even when it makes my heart hurt.  Today, very unexpectedly, Jeremiah’s Abba Father called him home- just as a father calls to his children out in the yard to come in from playing before it gets dark- my precious little man heard his Daddy and obeyed.  In an instant in the twinkling of an eye he was absent from the body and present with the Lord, and I am left with the memories, the moments, the wrinkled nose, the outstretched hand and shrug of the shoulders when he was asking “what’s that?” the buried face in my neck, the closed eyes pretending to be asleep when the doctor’s entered with the squinted peek to see if they were gone, the snuggles, the smiles, the small hand patting the pillow where I was to lay my head close to his, the treasure of having the honor of being “Mommy.”  I am overwhelmed by the gift God gave in allowing me that role for these past short weeks.  Now, as I look around and consider the many lives that have been and continue to be touched in these past days and weeks I am humbled that God has allowed me to be a part of watching Him use a child to teach some incredible lessons.  The rippling effect of a little boy from China dropped into the pond of India has been truly amazing.  So dear ones I consider all these things in the late hours of this night, for I am finding it hard to sleep without the warm little body snuggled close on my chest, and I am reminded that I have found shelter in the shadow of His Almighty wings and though His wings may at times hide the sunshine it is here where I am safe and protected from the storm that rages around me- resting in the Everlasting Arms.

“I don’t know about tomorrow, but I know who holds my hand.”

Happy Thanksgiving- From India

Our Thanksgiving Table

These are a few of the things I'm thankful for today in no particular order at all:

  Bowls of cornflakes eaten one piece at a time by little fingers filling the time

  For parents who gladly gave up rest  for little girl squeals and training wheels

  For a little boy who sleeps four hours straight, the first time in the six weeks we have been together

  Thanksgiving Day a reminder to me of all I have to be grateful for

  Grace in all its glory

  Skilled surgeons who demonstrate compassion in their work

  My family who misses me when I am far away

  For the bright morning star I could see in the sky while I lay gazing out the window at 4:00am not daring to move with the precious load snuggled close on my chest.

  For the possibility of discharge being soon

Samosa, Rhathia, and Kitchli

  That I was able to text my family this morning- even though short it was precious sweet moments

  The anticipation of an interesting Indian Hospital food "Thanksgiving" meal, what an adventure!

  Janessa's delighted squeals on Skype as she tears off another ring counting down the days to my homecoming.

  That the ring for my homecoming day is pink- a little sister who knows me well with some help from my Momma.

  That the weather outside is warm enough to sort of make the cold showers bearable (though there is no lingering)

  For encouraging words from friends afar tucked in with coffee to warm my heart

  For the thoughts of each of you that keep you close and always in my prayers

Bringing Joy to my Heart and Homesick Tears to my eyes

Playing Doctor Mommy- November 19, 2012

  The waiting room TV flashes on a commercial filled with sweet little girls playing with their “Doctor Mommy” doll babies.  They have stethoscopes with a heart beat you can see and hear.  There is a thermometer for when the baby’s forehead feels warm to touch, and small bottles of meds along with Band-Aids and just in case an injection, “this might hurt.”  The baby doll responds with “my tummy hurts,”  “I have an owwie,” “I don’t feel good,” and I’m all better.”  I sat there watching this ad and thinking how strange as I wait for doctor’s to bring me news of my sick baby.  How many little girls play baby dolls, how many play doctor with those same babies however when you grow up the last thing you ever want to play is “Sick Baby.”  I had to smile because in my world that is what I play all the time and therefore that is what my little ones believe to be normal.  I love this photo, I took it while on rounds one morning several months back it tells a story far beyond words.  Some of my babies with their babies, you see when I am checking heartbeats, and fevers I have lots more to check than on my list.  These girls will have their babies lined up with a list of complaints- they know what gets a nurses attention.  When I walk through the door there are babies bundled on the floor, propped in bouncy seats and cradled in arms.  They are learning to be mommies of sick babies and I love to watch the care and compassion that they display as I check stuffed chests and red fuzzy ears and give them directions on how to care for their little ones.  They have hearts that beat to love and live and eyes that see pain and suffering in a way that I will never be able to.  These are the Esthers of today- the little orphan girls who are being raised, “For such a time as this.”  And now I will come back to the real “Doctor Mommy” business of today as I pray for mommies the world over who are caring for their sick babies knowing that my God is Good All the Time and that He will give each of us the Grace that comes only from His healing arms.    

When you go for a walk-

"I think I like these nuggets!"

So, sometimes when you go a little farther for your walk, in the park that the Dr. suggested, you find a special treat like McDonald's!  I have not seen a McDonald's in well over a month and for little man it was his first visit.  We decided it was a good idea and so in we went...not your typical McDonald's.  They had the vegetarian line and the Meat-eater line, but nowhere on the menu was to be found a Big Mac or Quarter Pounder- only items with chicken.  When you live in a country that holds cows as sacred objects you don't put them on the menu.  Chick-Fil-A could make a killing here!  So we ordered nuggets and a chicken sandwich.  Molly, I thought of you as little man's Happy Meal nuggets came with orange soda- no little cartons of milk to be had and can I also say that whether you stood in the meat or no meat line there were no salads on the menu. 

Considering his Namesake...

Jeremiah 1:5-8

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, And before you were born I consecrated you; I have appointed you a prophet to the nations." Then I said, "Alas, Lord GOD! Behold, I do not know how to speak, Because I am a youth." But the LORD said to me, "Do not say, `I am a youth,' Because everywhere I send you, you shall go, And all that I command you, you shall speak. "Do not be afraid of them, For I am with you to deliver you," declares the LORD.”

Tossing Pebbles…Baby Steps

  Cardiac Rehab is hard work, anyone who has been through it will tell you that and convincing a little guy of not yet two that walking is healthy and needs to be done is a chore especially when he sees only the desire to be carried and the fact that walking makes him hot, sweaty, and tired.  So since the doctor ordered exercise I am given the challenge of making sure that happens.  Dr. Joseph was great about giving suggestions for places to walk that might be interesting and safe along with the suggestions for other possible strenuous activities for a two year old that we might attempt.  

  The opportunity to walk outside is wonderful since the daily temp has averaged 75-82*F and there is actually greenery, flowers, and blue sky!  I also have lots of opportunity to reflect and ponder as walking is slow, usually a couple steps and then a pause with lots of coaxing to get little man to join me.   I have learned so much about baby steps and some things about myself.  I have come up with a game, he throws a little stone and then in his sweet shuffling walk he saunters to where it has landed, reaches down picks it up, and tosses it a little farther.  Sometimes I just can’t help it when his throw essentially drops it right back at his feet I reach out and kick it just a little further.  Sometimes we stop to look at little things around us and thus we found ourselves pausing in front of a patch of impatients.  I love these little flowers they are bright, colorful, and grow easily.  I stand looking at them, pointing, trying to encourage little steps to come look because it might be interesting and of course make him walk faster.  I have to smile as I consider that if I were a flower in the garden I might just be an impatient.  Over these past many weeks I have found that I am not always the picture of a calm, gentle, quiet spirit but rather I am anxious, impatient, frustrated with my lack of ability to understand whining and pointing, and tired from lack of sleep.  I find myself tapping my foot willing him to move just a little faster and I consider that my impatience with this walk is what causes me to kick the pebble just a little farther along.  I have an even greater respect for mothers at this moment.  Many of you have said how you do not know how I can work as a nurse 24/7 well I have lots of hands to help and I don’t sleep with my babies, eat with them on my lap, change them, bathe their screaming wiggling selves, purchase diapers and formula (I think this is the same one as home?) or make sure that I have hand washed the clothes in time to have them dry when it is time to put them on again.  This is what life has been like over the last several weeks not to mention that my baby is a baby with medical needs that still need looked after.  Instead back in the Big House I have the joy of taking care of many medical needs, snuggling for a few minutes and then leaving them with a nanny- this is not mommy work.  My Heavenly Father is teaching me once again so many things not only about His plan for this baby and orphans the world over who are just like him but He is teaching me more about myself than I can often absorb all at once.  I picture Him standing a few steps ahead trying to coax me to take a few more baby steps, to work my heart harder, to trust Him more that He knows what is best for me, how to make me healthy and strong.  I think he occasionally kicks my pebble not with impatience but with a desire to see me strive just a little harder, work toward His goal just a little more and see life a little more through His eyes.  So here I go, finishing this walk chasing pebbles, taking baby steps, and feeling my heart race, pumping blood rich with a love that will not let me go.   I reach down at the end of the street pick up the little stone and tuck it in my pocket, something to think about later after I feed the baby and get him down for a nap.