Striking a Heart String

July 14, 2012

Dear Ones,

   The sharp resonating sound of a heart string plucked taunt sings out through my soul, a single stroke has caused a tear to wheal up and I force it down willing it to not spill over but to stay safely protected behind the lenses of my sunglasses, my insides turn as I try to stay in control.  I should be smiling, laughing; the finger that struck the cord was the gentle one of a friend sharing the laughter and chatter of children. We were driving together picking up some needed groceries and chatting, especially about the drive- we always seem to talk about driving it is such an experience and she was sharing with me some fun moments I missed recently, things she knows are joy filled for all of us.  She was sharing the antics and gleeful exuberance of preschoolers going on an adventure, an outing, the thrill of a car ride, of recognizing colors, and letters, and numbers, each one in their way squealing with delight in the joy of life.  They were on their way to the aquarium, and what a wonderful time they had, the whole group came home exhausted but beaming sharing with me all about the fish and the seals they saw.  I even had several of my little ones demonstrating how the seal clapped and waved.  I smiled trying to imagine the scene.   And then in an instant there it was the twang and reverberation of a moment.  My mind raced not to laughter and gleeful cries but the ragged sounds of tiny little ones final breaths, the calm quiet that followed, and the sobs that shook my shoulders and had me sinking to my knees beside the desk in my office…

  These moments, these snapshots in time were happening simultaneously, seasons of life, the ebbing changes, the fragile balance, this vapor, a chord struck at the very heart of my soul.  How many times do I forget that, do I forget that this might be the final breath, the final word, the final look, the disappearance of this vapor of a life I have been given here on earth?    So many times I am reminded of the words of Solomon:

“For everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which was planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up.”- Ecclesiastes 3:1-3

     Once again I have an opportunity to ponder all of these things keeping them in my heart, carrying them close, reminding myself of the incredible gift God has given me in this breath.  I want those twinges of pain, I want those tears to pool and spill over, I want to remember this season of immense joy and breathtaking sorrow.  I want to say like Daniel, “Blessed be the name of God forever and ever; for wisdom and might are His.  And He changeth the times and the seasons; He removeth kings, and setteth up kings, He giveth wisdom unto the wise, and knowledge to them that have understanding; He revealeth the deep and secret things; He knoweth what is in the darkness, and the light dwelleth with Him.” (Daniel 2:20-22)

  In these everyday moments of time I have a Father who knows and understands the darkness but who calls me to Himself to live in the blinding light of His presence not just for a season but for all eternity and that is a chord that strikes at the heart of my soul and resonates.

With love for each of you,

Mariah