July 14, 2012
Dear Ones,
The
sharp resonating sound of a heart string plucked taunt sings out through my
soul, a single stroke has caused a tear to wheal up and I force it down willing
it to not spill over but to stay safely protected behind the lenses of my
sunglasses, my insides turn as I try to stay in control. I should be smiling, laughing; the finger
that struck the cord was the gentle one of a friend sharing the laughter and
chatter of children. We were driving together picking up some needed groceries
and chatting, especially about the drive- we always seem to talk about driving
it is such an experience and she was sharing with me some fun moments I missed
recently, things she knows are joy filled for all of us. She was sharing the antics and gleeful
exuberance of preschoolers going on an adventure, an outing, the thrill of a
car ride, of recognizing colors, and letters, and numbers, each one in their
way squealing with delight in the joy of life.
They were on their way to the aquarium, and what a wonderful time they
had, the whole group came home exhausted but beaming sharing with me all about the
fish and the seals they saw. I even had several
of my little ones demonstrating how the seal clapped and waved. I smiled trying to imagine the scene. And
then in an instant there it was the twang and reverberation of a moment. My mind raced not to laughter and gleeful
cries but the ragged sounds of tiny little ones final breaths, the calm quiet
that followed, and the sobs that shook my shoulders and had me sinking to my
knees beside the desk in my office…
These moments, these snapshots in time were
happening simultaneously, seasons of life, the ebbing changes, the fragile
balance, this vapor, a chord struck at the very heart of my soul. How many times do I
forget that, do I forget that this might be the final breath, the final word,
the final look, the disappearance of this vapor of a life I have been given
here on earth? So many times I am
reminded of the words of Solomon:
“For
everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven: a time
to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that
which was planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down,
and a time to build up.”- Ecclesiastes 3:1-3
Once again I have an opportunity to ponder
all of these things keeping them in my heart, carrying them close, reminding
myself of the incredible gift God has given me in this breath. I want those twinges of pain, I want those tears
to pool and spill over, I want to remember this season of immense joy and
breathtaking sorrow. I want to say like
Daniel, “Blessed be the name of God forever
and ever; for wisdom and might are His.
And He changeth the times and the seasons; He removeth kings, and
setteth up kings, He giveth wisdom unto the wise, and knowledge to them that
have understanding; He revealeth the deep and secret things; He knoweth what is
in the darkness, and the light dwelleth with Him.” (Daniel 2:20-22)
In these everyday moments of time I have a
Father who knows and understands the darkness but who calls me to Himself to
live in the blinding light of His presence not just for a season but for all
eternity and that is a chord that strikes at the heart of my soul and
resonates.
With love for each of you,
Mariah
